Wading Barefoot

Rediscovering my barefoot-self

Lessons Learned

My parents said I was impatient and pushy, almost to the point of being ‘bossy’. They weren’t wrong, I still have these traits. My folks did help me learn to control my anger and be more tolerant. In fact, they raised me to question everything but to do so with as much respect to my fellow traveler as I possibly could. My temper however has been something I’ve battled with all my life. My father said I had an Irish ‘red-headed’ temper. He warned me not to eat black pepper as he believed it caused stress and ultimately, anger (I have yet to find a correlation between pepper and anger but I love black pepper).

It was his idea that I take equestrian lessons. It was quite a good idea as it turned out; the horses taught me more about my own attitude than any human ever could. You see, dogs and cats forgive easily (okay, more so for dogs than cats). As an example: Have you ever gotten mad and walked away, slamming the door behind you? Of course you have, we all have. I did this just the other day. I was at the end of my rope and knew that I had to get quiet and alone for a few minutes to get myself back together again. As I slammed my bedroom door I caught a glimpse of my three year old German Shepherd, Sally, who was in process of following me into the room. She picks up on my emotions very quickly and responds right away. So, when I let go of the door what I saw was her looking confused and a little worried. I didn’t look back, I slammed the door and laid on my bed until the knot in my throat loosened. When I came out of the room, there she was sitting in that very same spot all wiggling, waiting for me. It made me think of how much happier we all might be if we behaved more like our canine pals. I mean really, you can yell at your dog and walk away, but when you return, there’s your dog all wiggly, waiting to make up. *Dogs don’t hold grudges, although they can, and some would be quite justified in doing so. Dogs help keep us in the moment. They give us a reason to get up in the morning and remind us all the time that forgiveness is the true key to happiness.

Horses however, don’t always take forgiveness to the extremes that dogs do. Some are more tolerant than others, but for the most part, horses see things in black and white. I began training and riding horses around the age of 8. I took to it naturally. I was never afraid, I felt such a wonderful sense of peace and strength from these beautiful beasts. I also found out what it’s like to try to get the cooperation of a 1,200 pound animal when you’re in a ‘bad mood’. Wow can they be stubborn.

One Saturday morning I was riding a 7 year-old mare in an indoor ring and for reasons beyond my understanding at the time, I couldn’t get her to do anything I wanted. I became more and more frustrated until my instructor yelled my name and told me to smile. What? Smile? Ya, right! Not wanting to act like a know-it-all, I smiled and to my shock the mare almost instantly changed her attitude and began cooperating. Whatever I asked of her, I got. She wasn’t willing to ignore my negative energy by going along with me, she just wouldn’t respond to anger and moodiness. It was good for me to have learned these lessons and because I loved horses so much I made a conscious effort to keep my mood in check. It was a wonderful teaching experience that has been very valuable to me all these years later.

* Just a note about dogs who are made to fight, Pitbulls in particular. I think the people who have all but destroyed this particular breed’s reputation should be banned from polite society. I have had several relationships with pittbulls and each time it has been extremely rewarding and happy. These guys are lap-dog, lovers and gentle with children. The state of Oregon, where I live, is working to ban the breed statewide. I can’t tell you the last time I heard of a gun killing someone without a human trigger & dogs are, for the most part, the same way. Humans with greed and hate for motivators have made this breed feared and shunned. Shame on them. Karma…

© Kathleen Ryan-McCullough

June 8, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

967 square feet

I sold my car in July of 2008 in order to pay bills and keep the lights on; I’ve been without transportation since. I used to love going for long walks but I haven’t been able to go much further than my own yard for the past 2 years. I have been stuck at home with my dog and Facebook for 3 years now, all 967sq.ft of it. You never really know yourself until you’ve had time alone, really alone, alone within your own mind. I’ve spent countless hours alone with my thoughts. I love solitude and aside from a few logistical difficulties, I am doing better than I think most people would.

One of those logistical issues is grocery shopping. It’s not that I have no friends or neighbors to hitch a ride to Safeway with, I have plenty of offers for a ride; they just don’t materialize. I’m frustrated with having to ask others to help me. I think that on some level they are frustrated that I ask for their help also. Usually I avoid asking and call a cab instead. It costs roughly $14 to go 1.3 miles round-trip! I know gas prices are high but that’s just highway robbery…pun intended.

One of the more memorable events to happen since selling the car happened in January of 2009 when I had to appear in court. Without a ride my husband had to push me in a borrowed wheelchair to the bus (about a mile away). It was one of those cool rainy mornings that turned into a cold and windy day. When we finally made it home, surviving both the court and the drenching gale, I had time to reflect on the events of the day. In retrospect I found that, when confined to a wheelchair, I become a bitch plain and simple. I don’t mean the kind that gets things done and is not really one at all. I mean the other kind and not the canine version either.

For example: We had trouble finding the handicap entrance to the courthouse. It’s sits on a steep hill and in order to go ‘around’ it involves lots of gravity, if you get my drift. My poor husband was pushing me up the hill and when I looked back at him I yelled, “stop leaning like that when you walk, you’re making me look fat.” Yes folks, I said that! …Bitch right? I know!

…to be continued.

© Kathleen Ryan-McCullough

May 29, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


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